momental thoughts

I don't know why, but this came to me and so I wrote it down and I am sharing it.

You think you see me
but you could never be me
a carbon copy couldn't even have a hold
of what makes me shy or what makes me bold
it's getting old
each person gets a different piece
from now, or from my youth
even if they all came together
they still wouldn't know the truth
I'm not like a book
you can't turn the page and read me
you want answers then ask
if you really want to free me
want actions then act
if you want change you must believe me

I'm a grown person, but not fully grown
not on my own
I have not yet stepped off my parents thrown
I can be mature and serious
but I am reluctant to mention
that sometimes I'm just a kid and I need some more attention
I am confident
I know what I can do in life
but will I do it? I don't know
It causes me some strife
I'm not immune to fear or failing
even though I try to hide it
I can't predict the future
even as hard as I try to write it

Bite my lip down hard as I close my eyes
I feel love now
and it came as a surprise
but I still want more
I want you to show me more.
when I'm not around you
I want to know I'm in your thoughts
no other girls should be there
cuz there should only be one slot
when I smile or I gaze
want to put you in a daze

and you know I'm not into all that gushy and the mushy
but I like cute things
you know cute, like a puppy
Ask me about my day
and romance me just a little
not asking for too fansy
no need to over work it
but be a man for me
and show me that I'm worth it
I'm happy that I'm yours
I will give you my all
Even when you're down babe
I will catch you when you fall
and that goes out to all the loved people in my life
I don't care if you're wrong
I don't care if you're right
What's in your heart is where I find my delight
Be: kind, honest, lovely, polite
that's what your worth is
that's what you should try to get
work on having that
and not all the other bullshit

Changes or Chances

This is a little bit different than other posts. It's not really a rap, or poem or banter about my life. This is more of a combination of all those things. I don't know who I am writing to, but I need to get it out and saying these things sounds awkward outloud sometimes. I am feeling mysterious lately and joining many experiences within me together. No one person could truely know what I am refering to in this.

I took a chance and it may have exploded in my face
but at least I tried something new, when I needed a new direction to turn to

Now I'm nervous
maybe scared
what will be
what will I see
when I return to a brand new LBC, at least for me
everything changes
so many changes
and nothing ever stays the same

so goodbye friendly face
goodbye my saving grace
I am so sorry to see you go
hoping for a new friend
hoping this is not my end

I needed to take a rest, but all I was looking for was a little return on my investment

I will look up to the sky
hello mr. sunshine

There you are, I have found you happy feelings
where have you been
do you know where confidence lays
I'm not a fool
I know how to navigate this place
but I have been thinking far too much
and my thoughts form spider webs that get in my way
I'm clearing them off today

I often like soul seclusion
but I hate to be misunderstood
I know that I am not the best
but I know that I am something real good
at times I want to kick this rule book
and not do the things I know I should
and live dangerously
so dangerously
but
then again no
becuase I would feel so guilty

Off I go
We'll see what this new venture has in store for me
you know I like to be on my own
but I hate to be alone
I would enjoy a little company from you
from time to time, when you have some time
please say hello

This time has taken years to pass
but it seems to have flown by
and I need to take care of myself now

The Life We Choose

So it has been a really long time since I have posted anything. I have written a lot of stuff in between but I doubt I will post any of it. I don't dare kid myself and think that many people ever see it anyway, but if that's why I did it then I probably would have stopped long ago. I guess I just post it out of pure curiousity to see if others will see and maybe give some response. What I write is usually just glimpses of my thoughts and experiences and not a full piece to my puzzle. What I am posting now is a compolation of feelings from some of my relationships with the opposite sex.

evertime i'm by your side, i want you to blow my mind
but it seems you never do
instead you leave me feeling blue.
and it's true
that i want this to work out.
i don't really know why, but i feel i've got to try
keep holding on, but at the end of the day
my feelings for you turn to grey and they fade.

not how i want to live my life.
this union that we've formed doesn't end with me as wife.
if you don't have mine, then i don't have your back
and tell sayjak
that i don't want to buy a vowel.
could have been so loyal
could have loved you til the end,
but now my title for you
doesn't even end in friend.

the end
that's how this story goes
if you want a girl to stay
then the feelings got to show and grow.
let her know you want her around
plant nice thoughts
take her out on the town.
or stay at home
just looking up at the stars.
or drive somewhere far
away from all the cars.

you see
everyone just wants to feel special.
and if you can't produce then it's time to say goodbye
and hi
to the next one you see
you can connect with
fall in love and be free.
life is too short to not give your all
and whether you make it
or just fall.
it's how we know that we're alive
so open up your eyes
and choose to thrive.